The Big Bang Theory: Time Travel Terror
by YungCheeze
Summary: Sheldon's time machine causes a whole lotta trouble for him and his friends! (18 and up!)
1. Chapter 1- The Hotdog Conundrum

Chapter 1- The Hotdog Conundrum

Present Day

Sheldon stood in front of his time machine; very pleased with the results of his creation. Raj approached him feeling confused about it.  
"Sheldon, what is this?"  
"It's a time machine! Bazoogle!" replied Sheldon as he raised his arms spastically into the air.  
(The studio audience laughs)  
"Sheldon, what do you need to do with a time machine?"  
"Well Raj, I can do anything I want. I can see my past ancestors or my future grandchildren."  
"Implying you'll be able to even procreate with a woman."  
(The studio audience laughs)  
Leonard then entered the room with a cauldron full of hotdogs. He stared in amazement at the giant metallic pod up against the wall of the living room.  
"Where the heck did you get this?" asked Leonard as he put the cauldron on the ground.  
"It's a time machine," replied Sheldon "Let's do a little experimenting. I'll type in a year on the control panel and you toss in a hotdog. Then, we'll watch the hotdog on the monitor as it travels through time."  
"Well, I'd hate to waste a good hotdog, but okay."  
Sheldon then typed in 1984 on the control panel and the interior of the time machine lit up in a neon blue light. Leonard then tossed in the hotdog and the blue light flashed across the room for a split second until it left. The three of them gathered around the monitor as the hotdog fell through the open roof of a disco and landed on a dance floor. The hotdog remained in place while people in cheesy 70's disco-wear continued dancing around.  
"Sheldon! That's mesmerizing. How'd you create this?"  
"Oh, just a couple nuts and bolts."  
(The studio audience laughs)  
"Baziggles!" says Sheldon as he shrugs.  
(The laughter goes harder)  
"Well, as much as I'd like to see more experiments," said Raj as he picked up his coat off the floor "I've gotta pick up my sister, Priya, from the train station. She's gonna spend a few days with us. You bustas better not cause any trouble with this machine while I'm gone."  
"Don't worry, Raj," said Leonard "We won't touch it while until you're back."  
Sheldon and Leonard stared at Raj until he left the apartment. The two then looked at each other.  
"Oh my gosh!" exclaimed Leonard "There are so many possibilities! We can go meet Albert Einstein, or go see what the future looks like, or even see some dinosaurs!"  
Sheldon kept his face expression very serious and blank "We need to travel to the 1980's."  
"The 1980's? What the heck for?"  
"I want to meet my idol... Jeffrey Dahmer."


	2. Chapter 2- The Decade Juxtaposition

Chapter 2- The Decade Juxtaposition

Sheldon typed 1984 onto the time machine display and the two of them stepped in. The blue flashing lights began whirring and their apartment soon disappeared from site. Within seconds, the blue lights faded away and Sheldon and Leonard found themselves standing inches away from the hotdog they had just thrown in. The two were in a discotheque, complete with a disco ball, disco outfits, and dozens of people disco dancing. Sheldon and Leonard stuck out like a sore thumb.  
"Is this where Jeffrey Dahmer hangs out?" asked Leonard.  
"Yes, he was a huge fan of disco balls," replied Sheldon.  
"Wasn't disco a 70's thing?"  
"Oh my goodness, look over there."  
The two then noticed their friend Howard dancing wildly on the dance floor with a few shawties around him. He was wearing an unbuttoned shirt with the collar popped and his pupils were three times the regular size.  
"My man!" exclaimed Leonard with a laugh.  
(The studio audience laughs)  
Howard then noticed his two friends and went on over to greet them with a giant hug.  
"Sheldon! Leonard! I'm so glad you two are here!"  
"Howard, you used my time machine without asking," said Sheldon in a serious tone, he then turned his head and saw Jeffrey Dahmer sitting by the bar "Oh my gosh, there he is!"  
Sheldon then left his two friends behind and approached the bar. He sat as close to Jeffrey as possible.  
"Do you come here often?" asked Sheldon.  
"Yeah, I like to pickup my men from here," Jeffrey Dahmer replied as he took a sip of his drink.  
"Do you have any interest in time travel?"  
"Time travel? Well, I'm not a scientist."  
"How would you like to go to the era I'm from? We have big screen TV's."  
"Well, hotdog! Count me in!" exclaimed Dahmer.  
Sheldon got up from his seat and led Dahmer back to Leonard and Howard, who looked stunned to be standing in front of Jeffrey Dahmer. Leonard looked around and noticed there was no time machine in site.  
"How do we get back home from here?" he asked.  
Sheldon mumbled out a series of words in another language and a shiny blue portal then appeared in front of them. Sheldon allowed Dahmer to go in first, and then the other three went in after.

Present Day

Sheldon, Leonard, Howard, and Jeffrey Dahmer were back into the apartment. Raj and his sister, Priya, stared in amazement at the four of them.  
"Where the heck did you guys come from?" asked Priya.  
"And is that Jeffrey Dahmer!?" exclaimed Raj.  
"Indeed, it is. He's our new roommate," said Sheldon.  
Leonard, Sheldon, and Raj all looked skeptical on the plan. Dahmer just stood there smiling.  
"If that's the case, then maybe I'll go back in time and bring back King Tut. He can be our new roommate," said Howard.  
(The studio audience laughs)  
"So, what year am I in?" asked Dahmer "Can I go running around outside to see what this new world is like?"  
"For sure, but don't get lost," said Sheldon.  
Dahmer excitedly ran out of the apartment. Leonard looked to Sheldon with concern.  
"So now that you've brought Jeffrey Dahmer to the future, does that mean he was never caught? I think that changes history pretty drastically."  
"Bazorgle!" exclaimed Sheldon.  
Priya walked up close to the machine and cautiously examined it "Does this mean we can see any year ever in history? How did you invent this?"  
"Magician's secret!" said Sheldon "You can even go to the future and see things that haven't even happened yet."  
"We can go stop Hitler? Or visit our future grandchildren? The possibilities are endless."  
"But the thing is... no girl's allowed."  
(The studio audience laughs)  
"Just kidding, Bazonka!"  
(The laughter goes harder)  
A couple knocks were heard at their front door. Leonard excitedly ran to the front door to answer it. Amy and Bernadette were there. Sheldon, Raj, and Howard looked very disappointed and even groaned at their presence.  
"We heard you have a time machine now," said Bernadette politely.  
"Let's see it, nerds," demanded Amy.  
"How the heck did you figure that out?" asked Sheldon.  
"I may have told them," replied Leonard shamefully.  
"I think it's time we took a trip to the future," said Sheldon in a serious tone.  
He pressed some buttons on the control panel and the seven of them stepped inside.


	3. Chapter 3- The Futuristic Dystopiation

Chapter 3- The Futuristic Dystopiation

New York City, Year: 2314

Sheldon, Leonard, Howard, Raj, Priya, Bernadette, and Amy then appeared out of nowhere in New York City. What was once one of the most popular cities on earth was now a total wasteland. All of the buildings were torn up and smashed and the apartments all had the upper halves missing.  
"Where the heck are we? The middle east?" asked Howard.  
(The studio audience laughs)  
"Nope," said Sheldon "New York City in the year 2314."  
"Wow, three hundred years in the future. I wonder when it started looking like such a mess."  
"Mid 90's."  
(The studio audience laughs)  
"This sucks," said Amy in an angry tone "There's supposed to be robots and flying cars."  
"Nope," replied Sheldon "All of that went to heck in the 2030's."  
Their conversation was cut short by a high-pitched hollering. The group looked in the direction it was coming from a noticed a hooded man on top of a nearby building making the noise.  
"What on earth is he doing?" asked Bernadette as she clung onto Howard in fear.  
More voices began making the hollering. The group looked around and noticed more hooded men standing on top of various buildings. About a dozen of these men were surrounding them from up above.  
"This is probably a good time to go back home," said Raj.  
One of the men removed his hood to reveal his purple tinted, lumpy face. He then pulled out a bow and arrow, as did the rest of them.  
"Futuristic mutants! Run!" yelled Leonard as the group made a run for it.  
A barrage of arrows flew down past them all and harshly pierced into the ground next to them. One of the arrows stabbed Amy directly through her calf and she fell to the ground. Raj and Howard helped her up off the ground while the rest of the group kept running. The group ran to an abandoned cafe and took Sheldon's lead when he went inside first.  
They were all exhausted when their running came to a stop. The cafe was dusty, dim, and looked like no one had stepped inside in several years. Raj and Howard placed Amy down on a chair as she cringed in pain with the arrow through her leg.  
"Can we go home now?" cried Bernadette.  
"Not yet," said Sheldon "There's so much to do and so much to see!"  
"Amy needs a doctor, Sheldon," said Raj "She's losing a lot of blood!"  
"You're Indian. You should know everything a doctor knows."  
(The studio audience laughs)  
One of the backdoors flew open and two mutants holding knives came out. Everyone yelled with fear and made a run for the front door, except for Amy. Her wounded leg prevented her from running anywhere. The two mutants stabbed their knives into each side of her neck as blood spewed from the wounds. The knives went in and out of her neck repeatedly as the two mutants continued their stabbing. Her six friends stared in through the dusty window on the outside of the cafe at her being murdered. She didn't die until about the twentieth time being stabbed, which was when her head finally lopped off and rolled down her body to the ground. A fountain of blood sprayed out of her neck and one of the mutants kicked her body out of the chair.  
(The studio audience laughs)  
"Bazonka!" exclaimed Sheldon.  
(Laughter is uproarious)  
The two mutants looked at the six humans and roared.  
"Sheldon, I think it's time we finally got out of here!" yelled Leonard.  
"Fiiiiiine," said Sheldon, looking bored.  
He said his weird Latin phrase for a few seconds and the blue portal appeared which they all eagerly jumped into.

Present Day

Leonard, Sheldon, Priya, Raj, and Bernadette appeared back in their living room and were completely relieved to be safe again. They were, however, surprised to see Penny sitting awfully close to Jeffrey Dahmer on the couch.  
"Wow, you guys came out of nowhere!" said Penny.  
Jeffrey then put his arm around her "Why didn't you guys introduce me to your neighbor Penny sooner? She's cute as a pickle."  
"I thought you were only into men," said Sheldon.  
"I think this girl might be my only exception. She makes me feel like a new man," said Dahmer.  
"Wait a minute, where's Howard?" asked Bernadette.  
They all looked around the room and Howard was nowhere to be found.  
"Hmm, he may not have made it back on time," said Sheldon as he began pressing buttons on the control panel.  
"What do you mean!?" exclaimed Bernadette.  
Sheldon continued pressing buttons and Howard's image showed up the display monitor. The year and setting at the bottom of the screen displayed _France, 1781_.  
"Oh no!" exclaimed Bernadette "How did he get there?"  
"I'd hate to say it, but it might be some glitch in the system. Maybe during the transportation back, he accidentally got sucked somewhere else."  
"Well, can you get him back!?" she asked.  
They looked back at the monitor and they saw Howard being grabbed by some armored French guards as they lowered him in front of a guillotine. He looked panic and tried struggling out of his position. After a few seconds of struggling, the guillotine suddenly dropped and his head was instantly sliced clean off into a wicker basket.  
"Probably not," said Sheldon.  
(The studio audience laughs)  
Jeffrey Dahmer and Penny began getting close and romantic as they went in for a few kisses.  
"How about we take this back to my place?" asked Penny.  
"Sounds good to me!" he replied.  
Penny got up from the couch and took Dahmer by the hand and the two walked towards the door. Leonard stared at the two and felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. He was in love with Penny and the feeling of her banging one of the most notorious serial killers did not sit well with him.  
"Well, I'm exhausted," said Sheldon "How about we all gather back here tomorrow and go for another adventure?"


	4. Chapter 4- The Prehistoric Extravaganza

Chapter 4- The Prehistoric Extravaganza

Sheldon, Leonard, Raj, Priya, and Bernadette were up bright and early at the fine hour of noon. Bernadette didn't want to sleep alone at her place due to her husband dying and whatnot.  
"Well gang, what's it gonna be today?" asked Sheldon.  
"I wanna go to India!" said Raj.  
"How about we go to the year zero and kill Jesus?" suggested Priya.  
"I think today will be... dinosaur day!" said Sheldon.  
"You know who likes dinosaurs?" asked Leonard "Penny! I better go wake her up and see if she wants to come."  
"Make it snappy!" said Sheldon "And see if Jeffrey Dahmer wants to come along!"

As Leonard entered the hallway, he felt increasingly upset by the romance between Penny and Jeffrey Dahmer. He knocked on Penny's door, but no one answered. After a few more knocks he decided to slowly open the door himself.  
"Penny?" he asked.  
There was still no answer. He poked his head in through the door and saw blood stains on the carpet and the walls. He felt nothing but sexual anger pent up inside. With a few more looks around, he saw a hand in a jar on the coffee table and clumps of blonde hair on the floor. Dahmer himself then stepped in front of Leonard, startling him.  
"What's the plan today, buddy?" asked Dahmer.  
"Oh... well, we're gonna go visit some dinosaurs. I was just wondering if you and Penny wanted to join us."  
"Penny isn't feeling too well, but I'd be more than happy to come along!"  
"Awesome," said Leonard with no enthusiasm.

Back in the apartment, Sheldon typed in some far back year and put in a random location. They waited momentarily for Leonard to return and once he finally did, the group stepped in. Sheldon, Leonard, Raj, Priya, Bernadette, and Jeffrey Dahmer all crammed themselves into the time machine as the neon blue lights came and flashed around the room until the six of them disappeared. None of them noticed that Priya had packed a handgun into the waistline of her pants.

Random Jungle, 64 Million B.C.

The six of them were zapped into a random jungle in the dinosaur age. They all looked around in amazement and gazed up at pterodactyls soaring through the sky.  
"Wow, it's beautiful," said Bernadette.  
A pterodactyl then flew down and swooped her up in the grip of its claws.  
(The studio audience laughs)  
She screamed in terror as the pterodactyl was a hundred feet in the air.  
"Nature at its finest," said Dahmer "It's beautiful, ain't it?"  
Another pterodactyl flew by and grasped onto Bernadette's legs with its beak. It then ripped her legs right off with no effort. Her screams were so loud her friends could hear them back on the ground. The pterodactyl that first picked her up then stuffed her into its mouth and began chewing. Her blood poured out from the sides of its beak and it spilled hundreds of feet down to the ground. After a few chews, it spat out her mangled, bloody corpse and it splattered into mush once it hit the ground.  
"Anyways," said Sheldon "I wanna go see the stegosauruses."  
(The studio audience laughs)  
"Bizapple!" he said.  
(The laughter continues)


	5. Chapter 5- The Colossus Tyrannosaurus

Chapter 5- The Colossus Tyrannosaurus

Later that evening, the group had set up camp, consisting of sleeping bags and a large tent (which Sheldon had picked up when he briefly went to the present to get them minutes earlier). Leonard, Dahmer, and Priya were lying in their sleeping bags near a bonfire, while Dahmer kept staring at Leonard with the intent to kill him. Leonard felt the same way, after what Dahmer did to Penny. Raj and Sheldon had gone on a walk not too far away to go find more wood for the fire.  
"Sheldon, I've gotta thank you for creating the time machine," said Raj "It's not every day I can see real dinosaurs."  
"You're welcome," replied Sheldon "And all it cost you was the lives of your friends."  
"Yeah, but oh well. I never liked Howard that much anyways."  
A scream suddenly broke out from about thirty feet away back at their camping area. Raj ran towards the sound, while Sheldon calmly walked over. Raj was shocked to see that Dahmer had stabbed Leonard in the kidney-area with a butter knife. Leonard looked sweaty as he weaved in pain while a bit of blood came from his mouth.  
"What the hell?" yelled Raj.  
"He was givin' me the stink eye!" said Dahmer.  
Dahmer pulled his knife out and headed towards Raj.  
"It's what I do best," said Dahmer "I kill people! And I have to kill you all since you're the only people on the planet right now!"  
As he kept walking towards Raj, Raj was backed up into a tree. Dahmer's knife was inches away from Raj's face. Then a gunshot was heard and Dahmer was hit in the side of the neck. They looked over at Priya to see her holding the gun.  
"Are you okay?" she asked.  
"Yeah," Raj replied.  
Dahmer staggered towards Priya with his knife pointed at her in one hand and clutching his neck bullet wound with his other hand, despite blood still pouring out like a sink faucet. After a few more steps, she fired again and shot Dahmer between the eyes, blowing his brains out the back of his head. Sheldon, Priya, Raj, and Leonard stared in awe as Jeffrey Dahmer was dead in front of them.  
"Wow..." said Raj "My sister killed Jeffrey Dahmer."  
They then went over to Leonard to see if he was okay, which he wasn't. He was grapping onto his stab wound and looked pale.  
"I'm not gonna make it," he said.  
"It's not that bad," said Priya "If we go back to the future right now, then you'll be okay. We can get you to a doctor."  
A massive roar was then heard and they all instantly knew what it was- a tyrannosaurus rex. They looked in the direction it was coming in and saw that it wasn't far away at all.  
"How the hell did we not see that earlier?" exclaimed Raj.  
The dinosaur let out another massive roar that was so intense that its breath almost knocked them over. Raj, Priya, and Sheldon made a run for it, while Leonard was stuck on the ground. The T-Rex opened its mouth and chomped its teeth around Leonard's waist. The butter knife stab wound was so insignificant compared to the gigantic teeth of a T-Rex biting through Leonard. The T-Rex's bite completely separated Leonard in half at the waist and it then swallowed his upper half.  
The three continued their running as fast as they could, but when Raj looked back a minute later, he noticed the dinosaur was out of sight and they all slowed down and gradually came to a stop.  
"Let's go back home now," said Raj exhaustingly.  
"Not just yet," said Sheldon.  
"Why the hell not?" asked Priya "All of your friends are dead because of your stupid time machine!"  
"I'm not going home until the both of you are dead as well."  
The two were both shocked and didn't know what to say. Priya had no choice but to pull the gun on Sheldon.  
"Take us home right fucking now, Sheldon!" she demanded with the gun pointed to his head.  
"What are you gonna do? Kill me? Then you're gonna be stuck here forever," he replied.  
(The studio audience laughs)  
"Zimbabwe!" he says.  
(The laughter goes harder)  
Priya then aimed the gun at his penis "No, but I won't hesitate to shoot you in the dick."  
"I don't need it anyways. All I do with it is masturbate in grocery stores."  
(The studio audience laughs)  
Another ferocious roar was let out, but this time it wasn't a dinosaur. A giant caveman stepped out from his cave behind them and clubbed Raj against the head with his thick wooden club covered with something that looked like nails. The hit was so powerful that it took off a chunk of Raj's head. Priya screamed and shot the caveman in the head. His brains blew out onto the rock wall behind him and he fell over next to Raj.  
"How many bullets do you have in that thing?" asked Sheldon.  
"Enough to shoot you in the dick still," she said "My brother is dead because of you."  
"No, he's dead because of a Neanderthal caveman."  
(The studio audience laughs)  
Another roar was heard, but this time it wasn't a caveman or a T-Rex. It was worse, oddly enough. They looked over to see a pack of raptors glaring at them. Sheldon immediately made a run for it.  
"Goddamnit, Sheldon!" yelled Priya as she ran off as well.  
With Priya and Sheldon running at full speed, it was still hard for them to outrun the five big raptors behind them. Priya was side by side with Sheldon and she knew what she had to do to survive and she knew she was on the last bullet. She aimed her gun over at Sheldon and shot him in the leg. Sheldon tumbled over and landed on the ground, only to be pinned down by the raptors a split second later. Priya kept running as fast as she could and glanced back at Sheldon. The raptors were feasting on Sheldon as he was screaming from the pain. His intestines were already scattered about and one raptor was in the process of chomping through his skull.  
(The studio audience laughs)  
Minutes later, Priya came to a complete stop with absolutely nothing around besides trees. She was completely exhausted and could only think about how it was an awful decision to kill Sheldon, who was her only way back to the present day. She yelled in frustration and pointed the gun at her temple. She pulled the trigger, despite there being no ammo left. She did it again and again, but still nothing happened. She was stranded in the dinosaur wasteland.

**THE END**

(Imma make a sequel about what happens next! Stay tuned!)


End file.
